Hi Guys,

I am so happy it is Saturday again already. I hope this month has been slightly all you hoped it will be and better even. My month has been exciting honestly. I am learning to just calm down. Remember "Mummy Calm Down". 

This month my goal is to be a better version of the me that lived yesterday and It has been amazing so far. I am grateful for the littlest additions and happy about the most insignificant things. 

I am a  die hard movie lover. If you know me, then you must know how passionate I am about ensuring that I watch my movies but as I grew older I decided to make meaning out of every little process we go through and that was how I started drawing lessons from movies. 

This post really is an appreciation post to all the good people who make my world go round. They push me to be better and are a shoulder when I cry ugly tears. I will try to include all of them as much as I can but these are the real MVP's (Most Valuable Players) in my life.

Thelma  Tobby  August  Kenneth  Bassey   Assumpta   DavidIdaka  Ella   Demola  Adepeju   Etum  Osagie  Amarachi  Salami  Christy  Bimbo  Tayo   Busayo  Daniel A.  Daniel   Ebuka   Fortune   Irem   Jecil   Koffi  Joshua   Makinwa   Bukola   Smile Sharon   Emeka   Meekness   Michael Bassey   Mercy Ubanyi   Tshe  Seye  Obia   Sipo, Sammy   Shade  Chisom   Soji   Somto  Teejibs  Tomi  Toni  Flourish  Uloma  Resame  Osong  Alani  Caleb  Mega  Cyril

For all you do for me, THANK YOU. You are indeed the best set of people a girl can call friend.

So, I started Lord of the rings when I was still in my final year in school but I later found out it was a trilogy and proceeded to watch everything. I started the first one, Fellowship of the Rings and found out it was over 3 hrs and 30 mins. I had already made up my mind to go through so I continued. I finished it after maybe a month or so. Last week, I am proud to announce to you that I finally finished the sequels, The Two Towers and Return of the King. 

Boring right? No, it was about 11 Hours spent on a movie that didn't add any money to my account. Best part was it wasn't even a series but it was 11 hours in total.  

Why would you make a movie 4 hours? One movie oh. It not like this movie will stop world hunger or anything but oh well. I finished it and it was a big accomplishment. But what I drew from my 11 hour escapade were two important mental lessons: Importance of TEAM WORK and WHO IS YOUR FRIEND?

Frodo Baggins is the main character who is to deliver the precious ring to the fires of the Mount of Doom. My favorite thing about the movie is that Gandalf the great sorcerer attaches Sam, a friend of Frodo to him on this mission and this is the basis of my review. 

Along the way on the journey to destroying the precious stone, 7 other characters are saddled with the responsibility of escorting Frodo to the mountain where the stone will be destroyed. Without the exceptional team work displayed by these characters there would have been no success. But today is not about team work. It is about my second lesson from the movie:

WHO IS YOUR FRIEND?

I am very sure that when you started reading this post and saw names of different people, your mind must have asked a mental question like

 "Why is she mentioning these people?" 

OR 

"I do not know them tho, what is my business?"

Your business is that, everyone has friends. They might not be people you talk to everyday but they are the ones you know you can always run to when the chips are down or you want to get stuff done. Some of them are your childhood buddies. The ones who you talk to once every year but you know love you very much. Those names constitute those who have literally become family to me by means of our friendship. 

Back to my story, Sam won friend of the year. And yes I am the Presenter of that award. Sam's strength was what helped Frodo eventually complete his task. He was the bearer of Frodo while Frodo was the bearer of the ring. 

The dictionary defines a friend as

This takes me to my all time favorite series in life; F.R.I.E.N.D.S 

I doubt I have enjoyed any series, the way I enjoyed FRIENDS. The Chemistry was amusing, the characters were strange and the script delivery was phenomenal. It was cast and released in the early 90's but It is still so relatable and breathtakingly funny. If you do not enjoy FRIENDS we cant be friends. HAHAHAHAH (Are we in a military regime? Of course we can still be friends). But did you see what I did there. 😉 

FRIENDS was a fantastic display of what it means to have people who have your back. I am of the opinion that everyone needs friends to go through life a little better. 

The funny part of everything is that I was inspired to write this post while watching S3 E4 of The Men's Club. One of my favorite Nigerian Series. An antagonist, Jasmine in a conversation with another character, Tonye speaks about how bringing harm to one of the four men in the Men's club will mean bringing harm to the other three men because they together are a team.

It was due to this statement that I decided to share with you a few things having and cherishing your friends can do to your life. Stop carrying your big head about feeling like you are an Island. Nope there's room for only Lagos Island not you. 

 1. Friends lower stress

I am not joking oh. A good conversation with a good friend can be the difference between having a terrible and good week. I am a living testimony.

2. Friends sharpen your blunt blades.

The bible speaks about Iron sharpens iron. This is very true for the close company you keep in your life. They are some of the people you are most vulnerable with and around. If you are doing something stupid, they will tell you and if you are on the right track, they will be cheerleaders who aren't dating the captain of the football team.

3. They can help you live longer

Psychologists say this one not me. But I think it is slightly correct because if you see a bunch of old people who are still pretty active at that age, they have a strong support system of oldies too who help them to know they aren't in the old age thing alone. They can brunch together, visit each other and relate on matters that probably happened when they were very young. 

4. Enhance your net worth

If you have a network of very successful friends who you know have your best interest at heart. You know that you will always be able to scale any hurdle because together they can give you the advice, recommendation and assistance you need to get where you want to. 

5. Help you live healthier lives

If you have a friend with a ripped body who wasn't  as ripped before, it could be the motivation you need to hit the gym too and get rid of your pot belly. In my case, my friend is one of the reasons I manage to eat at all. She is always on my case about the importance of eating. 

6. They teach you about yourself.

No one can bring you out of your shell more than a very good friend. They will stretch you to your breaking point and still help you apply balm to soothe your pain.  In my opinion, they tell you some of the harshest truths as well as help you see yourself better. 

7. They help you feel so much better

Friendships increase your sense of belonging and purpose. It is like your own small community where you can be confident and wholesome. 

A recent Harvard study concluded that having solid friendships in our life even helps promote brain health. Friends helps us  make better lifestyle choices that keep us strong, and allow us to rebound from health issues and disease more quickly. Friendship is equally important to our mental health.

I did something this week that made me very happy. I sent my friend a voice note appreciating the friendship we have and it left me in high spirits because I was reminded of how blessed I am to have such an amazing human as part of my life team. 

I would like us all to write a letter, mail, text, or send a voice note or something to a friend who makes your world go round. And comment if you would be doing so and the first letter of the persons name you would be sending it to. 

Till the next post,

All my love,

JAK

Okuneye Idris Olarenwaju (Bobrisky)

Fun fact is I wanted to write this post a long time ago but as I told you the month has been crazy for me so I couldn't pick up my keypad to type anything. But exactly a week ago today, I went for an outfit shoot. When I got there I realized that I needed to tell this story because it is a vital point of discussion.

We were a total of three models shooting the outfits and I had the darkest skin tone. We took turns in shooting the outfits. The other two went before me.  When it got to my turn the photographer would require extra lighting and make noise about why it is harder to shoot darker skinned people and I have never considered myself to be on the South Sudanese end of the dark skin spectrum. (See Nyakin Gatwech for better context  BTW this skin type is so beautiful and I love it). It was not a big deal however for me because I have had this conversation a million times and love the color of my skin. (P.S don't hate the photographer because I am sure he meant no harm but see how no harm has motivated me to start this conversation here).

 

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Your favorite angel🤍🖤😇 . #queen #queenofdark🍫🖤👸🏿 #selflove #blackgirlmagic💫✨ #southsudanessbeauty🇸🇸 #blackexcellence #melaninpoppin #melaninqueen #africanqueen👑 #nubianqueen👸🏿

A post shared by Nyakim Gatwech (@queennyakimofficial) on Jun 30, 2020 at 1:10pm PDT

BUT DOES EVERY OTHER DARK SKINNED PERSON FEEL SO CONFIDENT IN THEIR SKIN ?

As much as dark skinned beauties seem to be the looked down upon faction, the albinos, people with vitiligo and extremely fair skin type also seem to have the same problem. 

Hence, creating this perspective in my head that goes thus 

"Is the problem really the color of people's skin or is it just human nature to feel a need to be judgmental and want to have an opinion on everything thereby looking down on other people?"

People's opinions on other people's skin tones and pigmentation has caused a lot of ache and pain for those who especially already suffered from Low self esteem or Under valued themselves. More than that we set a standard for our younger ones in society who are being shaped by what they see, hear and eventually think.

In the movie, a little girl is asked if she likes her skin and she responds in an honest manner saying she doesn't like her dark skin but would like to be a few shades lighter and possibly would like to be like the Afro-American biracial skin type. She is probed further and asked why she doesn't like her dark skin but she isn't able to give any reason for dislike for her skin. 

The main character Beverly, at the beginning of the documentary speaks about growing up in London and being viewed as ugly by her mates. Most light skinned persons are said to look more attractive hence may not be looked upon as oooogly ,The basic truth is more harm than good is done because most esteem issues are as a result of certain experiences we have while growing up.

At this point, permit me to ask you WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU THINK IS THE SKIN PROBLEM?

In June, the whole world sought justice for countless dark skinned people who were wrongly shot or killed for being dark skinned. Thankfully we got to hear those stories but there will be stories that we haven''t heard caused by the same color issue. 

In the documentary, some women who had bleached(whitened) their skins when asked why they did that spoke about how their boyfriends didn't like dark skinned women and so they had to be light skinned to fit into the color specification of their partner. This may seem like a funny perspective but the reality remains that it is a serious problem. When a young girl born into that family sees her mother actively trying to change her skin color she may not ask questions but would just think there is something wrong with being a certain skin tone and this will define the perspective she will have to skin.  

All the characters of the movie talk about their different experiences with respect to their skin types ranging from inability to be cast in certain movie roles for being Nigerian but biracial to feeling frustrated by photographers and videographers for being "too dark" and not being able to light dark skin properly, to concepts of feeling less because everyone preferred lighter skinned people. The struggle is endless and the stories are so real.

But one more thing I got from the documentary was something I had been silently pondering over for a long time now. It is how black signifies death and evil, masquerades and gloom whilst white represents God, purity, good, etc. Could this be the reason also why dark skinned types seem to be given less preference?

If you doubt my opinion that light skinned women are given preference and looked at as a "goal", here is some statistics from the documentary to help you understand how far women and men too are willing to go to be light skinned. 

Statistics compiled by the World Health Organisation in 2011 showed that 40% of African women bleach their skin. In some countries the figure is higher: a staggering 77% of women in Nigeria, 59% in Togo, 35% in South Africa, 27% in Senegal and 25% in Mali use skin-lightening products.

African countries, including Ghana, Côte d’Ivoire and most recently Rwanda, have begun banning skin-lightening products.

No one gets to choose the skin they are born into. It is literally like changing the date of your birth or the family you are born into. We have no control over these things. We can only do the most we can do with what we have and most women believe that the most they can do if they are dark skinned is to bleach their skins to be fairer.  Every skin type is beautiful and unique in its own rights. The conversation does not stop here either. Please if you can, Watch the documentary on Netflix and you will learn a thing or two you didn't know before. If you have been making intentional efforts to change your skin tone then you have to ask yourself a few questions like Is this really what I want? What effect will this action have on the younger generation? In a few years will I regret this decision? Am I doing this for sincerely right reasons or to please someone elses taste? 

NOTE: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL REGARDLESS OF THE SKIN YOU WEAR. Let us challenge ourselves to compliment someones skin this week. You will see what it will do to that person. 

Also, I really commend the amazing work Beverly Naya put into this work and how she decided to start addressing a conversation I have been passionate about for a very long time.

I hope this post was able to provoke some thought. I look forward to being consistent for you all and also a very big thank you to everyone who has followed me on this journey up till this very point. Thank you very very much. There's no Jaktionary without you all in this family. (Keep small Sunday jollof for me sha).

This post is the beginning of a chain of thoughts I intend to share with you. In a conversation if only one person talks then it isn't a conversation again. 

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Yesterday was #selfieday but I choose to celebrate selfies everyday. Which selfie is your fave ? #explore#selfie#myselfandI#explorepage✨

A post shared by Joy Idaka | Content & Fashion (@thejak__) on Jun 24, 2020 at 1:35am PDT

Growing up I was super self-conscious and I owe that to my looks. I always felt like the less beautiful girl among my sisters and worse it felt like all my uncles and aunts didn't like me (now that I am older, I quite understand kids can be a handful). I love kids don't get me wrong. But my point is I started out feeling not beautiful and my family(aunts and uncles) didn't help my self esteem because they would compliment my sisters and forget there was Joy too. It made me wonder how ugly I really was. I began to hear people make comments about my large nostrils and thick lips. It seemed straight pointed nose and tiny cute lips were the preferred option. I hated my face, I would always bite my lips to make it look less full and was constantly looking into a mirror to ensure I looked okay. I did well now I think about it, I still went about looking quite confident and acting like I didn't care what others thought but deep down what they thought about me meant everything. I had no idea that you are or you have the final say in matters that concern you. Basically, I had serious self esteem issues. I cared too much about what others thought but on the surface I put on an I don't care act. 

1. Sometimes it isn’t about winning; It is about bringing your A-game to the match.

2. You should never be ashamed of who you are

 3. You are never too little to dream.

4. Your family is a very strong source of motivation.

 
5. You need a mentor.

6. Sometimes you need a setback to set your sight straight. 

7. Agreeing to quit can be likened to reading a book to the middle and deciding not to finish the book just because someone dies in the middle. 

8. You have to stay prepared. 

9. When you finally get a yes, it makes all the no’s seem like a mirage (something that you see but isn’t really there).
 

 
10. You have to start from somewhere.

11. Your unique style is what will make you stand out. 

12. The most good looking guy often time isn’t the most talented. Most of the people laughed because he was very dark skinned but at the end of the day who was laughing.
 

13. You can’t ever give into doubt. You must continue believing in yourself, your talent, your skill, your uniqueness and everything that makes you YOU.
 

14. Be prepared to receive a 1000 No’s. Ask Thomas Edison how many No’s his light bulbs gave him.

15. You will need a hand to hold you up so you do not stumble. 

16. Black is beautiful. .

 
17. Football is a beautiful game. (Comment in the comment section if you agree)

18. Sports commentators deserve awards. 

19. Aunt Rona needs to go so that we can resume all the League matches.(Aunt Corona, I mean)

20. Your victory in the end isn’t just for you. It is for all the people who ever believed in your dream and journey.

 "

In the end, our difference is what makes us beautiful.

 

"