Today, August 21, 2021, makes it exactly a month to my 23^rd birthday.

I had big expectations.

Big expectations of what I believe my 22^nd year would go like.

The problem however, is that with big expectations comes big responsibilities and big disappointments. (Ask Nigerian women about their men, they’ll tell you… Okay I’m joking)

 

Quite frankly though, having big expectations can shoot you in the leg but regardless we move. Enough of four syllable big word Ex-Pec-Ta-Tion. I will spare you all the details about what this big picture for my 22^nd was unless you want to know and then you can reach me personally here. I am always up for good gist.  

 

Now, 11 months later I am faced with a dilemma, mope and sulk about the things I could not achieve or move forward and pat myself on the back because I am strong and I can still do better within the next 29 days.

 

I am clueless on what approach to take because let’s be honest, you are not always happy with yourself and as such, sulking makes you feel slightly better but at the same time, you’re trying so maybe you should give yourself a pat on the back.

 

I don’t know anyway.

 

However, I intend to drop a post once daily for the next couple of weeks till my birthday. Tell you what I’ve learnt, where I have failed, where I have succeeded and what I have planned in time to come.

 

The first in the line of posts is this letter to myself in the future. Here goes.

 

Dear Jak,

 

Hi, How are you? I hope you have had a rather pleasant day. I hope you got gifts and ate good food today at least. I know you might not do either but nonetheless, I really hope it’s a good day. I have watched you grow and blossom, struggle and doubt but at the same time I’ve watched you stop and stay still.

 

I just want to say I love you and I am always rooting for you. I know you have had a rough year, bitter sweet actually, but I want you to keep your head up and keep dreaming. Don’t stop at dreaming though, start moving too.

 

A wise friend of yours always says there is clarity in movement. That is good advice, take it. I am very proud of the woman you are becoming and I am happy that I am part of the story. You are very precious to me and so one thing above every other thing I want for you is to see you win.

 

I am quite aware that you will make it and I can’t wait for the next letter to be about celebrating your wins and sharing your failure stories because at the very least, you are giving it a try. For some weird reason, I am struggling to communicate effectively with you. I guess that is typical with humans sha. We can gas up anybody else but when it comes to ourselves we just go the negative route.

 

Bottom line sha, literally, I love you and Happy Birthday Jak. Have a wonderful 23^rd.

All my Love,

JAK at 22 and 11 months