On my birthday last year, I was really sad. I could not fully comprehend why I felt that way honestly. Maybe it was because I was in debt, broke, and couldn't even celebrate my birthday decently. 

As the day progressed, I got a beautiful cake from my aunt Toun and that really helped to liven my mood. By the end of the day, I had spoken to my family, friends, and well-wishers and felt much better. I promised myself that this year my birthday must be much better. 

It's literally five days to the 20th and I can say that it will be much better this year. I have a job I love and I will spend the day at work. Weirdly, I can already envision that it will be a really good day.

 So help me God. 

I read Aramide Kayode's book on 20 lessons from 20 last year and I got more intentional with ensuring I put down lessons for every season in my life. 

It was with this inspiration that I put together these 22 lessons of mine. 

1. Time is a gift. The past, the present, and the future.

While thinking about all the plans my friend who passed on in this post here had with me, I could not help but think about how my time here is literally a gift that I cannot afford to take for granted. The past is a time that helps you live better in the present and the present is a time that helps you decide what the future should look like. 

2. Timing is super important.

I have this bad habit of getting anxious about literally everything. The issue with that is I do not get to fully appreciate moments to the fullest. I spend a good amount of time worrying instead. I learned this year when I got my new job that timing is super important. I got a relatively good job in January this year, at the time it seemed like the most amazing offer I could get. I did not have peace about it however so I did not take it.

This month my job came and got me and I just knew it was time. Everything I had experienced from January to September was preparing me for this job. All my anxiety just went into the bin. Mtchewww

3. The ability to hope is probably the most important ability we have as humans.

Don't quote me on this but I honestly believe that what kept me going and what keeps me going is the hope that I have. Hope in Jesus, hope that my dreams will all come true, hope that I am moving in the right direction, etc. Generally, the hope we have to a great extent will keep us pushing and grinding. 

4. Your dreams are valid.

If you are self-critical like me, you might see some of your dreams passing you by because you want everything to be somewhat perfect before you move. This has often made me doubt to a large extent if I will ever make the move. This month I watched myself move, dare to try, and be consistent. I can even dare to say, I am closer to my dreams already. 

Don't give up guys, keep dreaming and grinding. Your dreams are valid. 

5. DO You

I cannot over-emphasize the importance of this. It is literally the most important lesson on this list if you ask me. I know what it feels like to be compared to others and to even start comparing myself to others. As I grew I realized that if there was a problem I really had, it all came from a place where I was trying to do things like others.

Note also, when I say DO YOU. I do not mean try to do you, I mean just allow yourself to express yourself at every point in time. I spent a good portion of last year trying to DO ME. I found out I could not try, I could only just DO (Express myself however I felt and leave the rest for God). 

6.  Risk is a really important part of life but when taking risks make sure you're ready for those risks. 

You have probably heard "TAKE RISKS" one billion times and now it just sounds like a clanging cymbal sound. I present to you once again

TAKE RISKS

This time however I want you to note that if you take risks when you're not ready or equipped for such a move it can kill you. In that light make sure to be mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually ready for the risk. 

I took on this ridiculous job earlier this year where I was writing a ridiculous amount of articles for an even more ridiculous amount of money. I just wanted to make some extra cash in all honesty but I also saw it as an opportunity to push my discipline. 

Long story short I almost died. The burnout was excessive. I did not eventually finish the work but I was glad I got the lesson. Only take risks when you're ready. No go wound yasef.

7. Network is largely a decider of net worth.

I think earlier this year there were a lot of arguments on Twitter for and against my alma mater. A lot of Nigerians could not understand what the fuss about Covenant University was. I will tell you. I realized this year that if you maximize effectively the network you build from there, it could be the singular difference between where you are today and where you are tomorrow. 

Now don't quote me. I am giving an example but the point I am driving at is that the importance of a good network and community is invaluable. I had a conversation with a few of my friends this year that has changed the course of my life forever as long as I am concerned. 

8. If you live in silence, you will die in silence.

I can be pretty content but at the same time, I am a pretty girl who likes pretty things. I needed some things pretty badly and I was living in silence. I like to form I can do bad all by myself. I had a discussion with some friends and I did not even expect anything from them. 

Next thing, I got what I wanted. It was like magic but it taught me that basically, a closed mouth is a closed destiny. I wonder who opined this phrase. 

9. Community will take you through the toughest periods.

I learned a lot about community last year courtesy of Salem King and Tonye Ley-Braide (The Black Writer). I started to open myself up to communities and I realized that we all need a community. This particular point is mostly centered around my Church community. I am so much better and feel so much safer when I know I am not in this alone and even if I am, there are people who support me and care for me. Community is important, find one. 

10. If you like something, even if it's not popular, own it.

I think this point I learned specifically from SIS of SiaInStyle, She has this no-nonsense approach to what she likes and what she doesn't. I am largely a recovering people pleaser and as such, I am always ready to compromise for everybody's happiness. 

As I started to observe and grow, I realized I did not need to please everybody and If I like something regardless of how unpopular, I gotta own it. This has changed so many things for me quite honestly. 

11. Put yourself out there, the world is watching

I decided when I moved out of my uncle's and started living on my own that I will be super conscious of how I put myself out there. I started to express myself fashionably as much as I wanted when going to church. That is almost the only place I really go to. I was at work the other day and a lady stopped by my desk and commented that she loves my style and could have guessed I work in the art industry because I am a walking work of art. LOL

12. Sometimes, all it takes is a break

Gen Z came with a lot of twenty-something millionaires. The pressure is on and everyone feels the need to break the bank in their early twenties if not they're not successful or something. I get it. If you can attain millionaire, influencer or tech bro status at 20 go for it but for some others, those others who I seem to be part of what you might need to push you to where you're going is a break.

I often take breaks where I binge watch my favorite Korean series or just read novels and next thing, I have all the strength I need to go through the next phase of my journey. 

I am on my way to my millionaire status by the way sha.

13. Your life is a story, tell it. 

Salem King did justice to this point for me. Every time I listened to him or read something he posted I was completely motivated to start telling my story. I finally got the jolt I needed when I attended Kokopelli's Tales and Cocktails. I met Chu and I knew it was time. See my excerpt on my story about the event here.  Tell your story by all means sha. I am sure there's something we can all learn from your life lessons. Let's normalize talking and celebrating the journey as much as we celebrate the finish line victors. 

14. Consistency is a builder.

When I started my 30 posts to #MYBIRTHDAYCHALLENGE I was really scared. I didn't think I could go all the way. I started nonetheless. I have grown as a person and as a writer. 

When I stumbled on Beeples Instagram bio and saw 14 years of everydays. I was amazed at how awesome consistency is and what it can do in and for you. 

It is a life-changer. If you're struggling with something. Dedicate an everyday type of consistency to developing ourselves in it. It will blow your mind how much you will grow.

15. Happiness is 10x more valuable than money.

This is a neither here nor there point but I added the point because if you have all the money in this world without happiness. You will literally feel like you have nothing. But if you have happiness and no money, you can be pretty much okay.

In conclusion, have happiness but with all thy getting get money too. 

16. Your environment can make or break you.

Many people underestimate the influence their environment has on them and their ability to progress. If you're really struggling and can't seem to make headway. What you need might just be to change your environment. 

This point came very strongly to me when I started at my new job and when I moved to live by myself.

17. Growth is PRACTICAL not THEORY.

I can tell you this one very particularly because I know how slow my growth was in the past because I made it about knowledge and not the application. I believe in balance a lot and as such would always advocate for making sure everything is done in moderation.

Whilst you gain all the knowledge you need to grow and improve, make sure to put your knowledge into practice. That way you will begin to actually see and experience growth. 

18. Your mind is a tool, Use IT.

This one might seem like hypocrisy because everyone has given my mind a reason to no longer be afraid of dogs but this morning, I still stood still on the road because I saw 5 puppies running around. I have refused to communicate to my mind that there is nothing to be scared of. 

I do not write this as someone who has overcome the use of the mind, I write it as someone who is learning to use it. I know the power it has and utilizing it will only bring good. 

19. Watch what you feed your soul.

I am very careful what I feed my soul. I feed it good music and inspiration from people I look up to most of the time sha. Essentially, you are spirit, soul, and body. We regularly feed our bodies and spirits but forget to feed the soul. 

Your soul is also a part of you that needs feeding. Be intentional about what kind of fuel you let into your vehicle to prevent it from knocking your engine.

20. Move at your own pace

You are not in competition with anybody. Do not feel pressured to think you are. Move as fast or slow as you deem right for you per time as long as you are content with the nature of the result you get per decision. It is very easy to start comparing yourself with others so beware and keep moving.

21. Document

I started this series on my blog last year called DEFINING MOMENTS: MONTH IN A NUTSHELL. It has been a beautiful experience. When I looked back at what I wrote last year, it was a clear indicator of where I am now and where I can be if I do things differently or the same way. Take pictures, keep a journal, by all means, document something. 

22. Birthdays are important. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

As you grow older, I pray you to grow wiser and experience favor. Thanks for coming to my birthday TED Talk.

Comment in the comment section on the lesson that resonated best with you and also one lesson you have learned personally within the last year. 

All my love,

JAK