the JAKTIONARY: September 2021

This morning I wore a dress and had my hair neatly folded and topped the outfit with proper court shoes. I looked as though I was taking on a case today. I complained all the way to work. Usually, I can wear whatever but if I have to dress a certain way for anyone I realize I lose a sense of myself that day.

When my mom came to visit me two weeks ago, she got a first-hand glimpse into what an outfit in a workday with Jak looks like. She began to make her reservations and observations about how "girly" clothes were missing in my outfit choices. Day after day, she watched me wear one trouser to another with barely any consideration for skirts and dresses.

I have enjoyed wearing trousers for as long as I can remember which was what also led to me wearing a pair of trousers for my thanksgiving service in the University where the expectation would usually be a beautiful dress and a nice head tie.

I am maximalist and so bigger is better but for some reason, I also prioritize comfort which to me means a pair of trousers.

I felt super stressed when I got to work simply because I wore shoes I decided to wear to make my mama happy. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's wrong to make your mama happy but I would advise you not to choose her happiness and your misery.

The first thing I noticed was, everyone at work commented about how different I looked. I knew something was actually different. My countenance, my level of confidence, and my comfort were all threatened.

I do me because it is the only way I know to express myself. I do me because I cannot do anybody else no matter how hard I try. I do me because there is only one me in the entire world.

I think dresses look amazing on different people and skirts are figure-enhancing most times but unless I design that skirt or really just love it. I am a pants girl.

This post was born from how down I felt this morning and while pondering on what the problem was I figured that just because I am not completely comfortable in my clothes, I do not really feel myself.

These are just rants quite honestly. It is serious but it's not that serious at the same time. I would like to share a few shots from my thanksgiving Sunday in 2019 after my convocation to give context.

Till my next post,

All my Love,

JAK

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ON CONSISTENCY: THE END

By JAK - September 24, 2021

Hi guys,

Good morning, afternoon or evening depending on what time of the day you are reading this post. My birthday went well and I had a nice day. I had been struggling to write the last five posts I promised which was partly why I could only write three sentences in my last post here.

When I began the birthday challenge, it was a test of consistency. I made a promise to myself and wanted to ensure I was credible enough to keep my word to myself. Just when I had reached the near end of the challenge, I began to experience some slight difficulty in completing my task.

Consistency as defined by dictionary.com is the condition of cohering or holding together and retaining form; solidity or firmness.

Generally, consistency has to have a coherent beginning, middle, and end.

I had gone through my beginning phase which was awesome and pushed me to get to the middle and after the middle, it was time to get to the end but the end now seemed to be the most difficult.

I remember when I was in university at the beginning I was super inspired. I kept pushing, I was completely positive. As I got to the middle of my schooling, it wasn't as easy but I knew that if I gave up I would definitely not make it to the end. I persevered but as I drew near to the end, something snapped and it was as though I no longer had what it took to get to the finish line.

Thank God for a good support system and Christ, I was able to hold up till the end.

My point is consistency gets harder as you reach the end but it won't be complete if you do not actually reach the end.

I will give you a few tips on dealing with cold feet close to the end of your task or big consistency challenge.

Disclaimer: These are the things I did to get back on track. They are not dogma and I am not quoting from anyone.

1. Identify what the challenge is. In my case, I felt very overwhelmed and unmotivated especially because I had missed the date deadline.

2. Set a new deadline.

3. Create a plan of what you need to make executing easier for you. In my case, I wrote down all the posts I had left and what I needed to write each post.

4. Start by working when you probably feel like not doing that the most. In my case, I wrote a blog post with three sentences.

5. Slowly follow through with the plan.

I am back up and with this post, I am one more post closer to the end. I am happy that I learned a lot through the process.

It has been fun, blood and tears guys.

Till my next post,

All my Love,

JAK.

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SELF-FORGIVENESS

By JAK - September 24, 2021

I have been stalling on this post because I wanted to make it very informative and educative. As much as that is a very grand agenda, it was not the post I wanted to write. I think a lot of blogs are filled up with a lot of Self-Forgiveness tips and all that.

This post was meant to be a vulnerable post. I was going to write about how I needed to forgive myself and how I had actually forgiven myself. I wanted to write a post I wanted to read.

When I started blogging, I was really after personal development from an educational perspective. I wanted to help a lot of people. I wanted to tell them the things I needed to hear but as time went on, I knew I could not come out here and preach a message I wasn't living. It was one of the reasons why I could not really keep blogging. I did not feel I had a right to fill you with information that I had not tested and proven myself.

One day, however, somebody probably Salem King brought to mind that my story where it is is good enough to tell. I began to envision writing more about how I felt and accepting that lame and foolish, naive and strong-headed as I can be, it does not define who I am as a person. It was just a part of me I needed to get intentional about developing and actually work towards changing.

While trying to put together the post, I checked out the meaning of self-forgiveness and I think it is beautiful and everyone should absolutely see it.

A medium post by Laine Kaleja describes it as providing compassion and empathy to ourselves the same way we give it to others.

Read the post here.

In another blog post by Scopeblog, an initiative of Stanford Education, Self-Forgiveness is defined as treating yourself as you would treat your own friend.

Read the post here.

Enright and the Human Development Study Group (1996, p. 116) were the first to offer a concrete psychological definition of self-forgiveness as “a willingness to abandon self-resentment in the face of one’s acknowledged objective wrong, while fostering compassion, generosity, and love toward oneself.” says a post by Positive Psychology.

Read the post here.

As I stated earlier, I had found it extremely difficult to write this post and I had wondered why but I realized it was because It had not become personal to me. I had a rough estimate of an idealistic concept but I had not brought it to reality.

While in conversation with my friend yesterday night, I got my post. He had been speaking about how I was super supportive and non-judgemental to something he had shared with me. Quite honestly, since the Holy Spirit began working in and with me, it has become really easy for me to be empathetic towards my people in this world.

The comment stuck more because about a month ago, another friend of mine had shared something similar with me and had applauded my approach and response to receiving the information. I realized then how much I cared for my friends and wanted to support them.

The question I had to now deal with was Do I administer the same level of care, gentleness, and kindness with myself? Now with forgiveness, you mostly did something wrong or something below your personal standard to have to seek self-forgiveness.

My point in this post is if you would be supportive of your friends when they do wrong and forgive them, you are your friend too, do the same for yourself.

When I hadn't written any post since March, I felt completely unserious and irresponsible. I felt like I do this all the time. I was beating myself and not even still doing the work. A few days before my birthday, I learned a beautiful lesson about timing and self-forgiveness. I decided to put my self-loathe behind me and make a promise I intended to keep.

I am almost at the end of my challenge but the beauty of all this is in the fact that I forgave myself. I decided to be my own friend. I will still do a post where I bring the education and tips to self-forgiveness but that was not what this post was meant for.

I am excited to have been on this journey and have learned as much as I have shared. It has been a surreal experience. Thank you guys for engaging and reading.

Till my next post,

All my Love,

JAK